Comments on: The Kid Thing…

By: Lynne

Lynne — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 02:09:52 +0000

Well, Cormac, speaking at a early thirties Irish woman, who sincerely hopes that she never has children, maybe you’re speaking from personal experience, but please don’t tar everywoman with the same brush, each to their own!!

By the by, Eileen, I couldn’t agree more, no matter what happens, remain true to yourself, which I have always done throughout my entire life, thank God, I am not a follower, I create my own life and even it is not very conventional, it is my choice, my happiness and quite frankly, none of anyone else’s damn business!!! I am single & childless and PROUD – kids are not on the agenda and I always make that perfectly clear with any man that I become serious with

By: Joy

Joy — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 16:46:38 +0000

The kid thing is not for everyone–stick to what your gut tells you! I wonder what people think about Rick and I not having kids, nor a dog! No one really gets excited when we say we have a cat–lol!

By: Clare

Clare — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 09:42:47 +0000

Babaduck: Ack, I can just imagine the feedback you must have gotten, especially right after you married. Your story gives me hope that there are some guys out there who will be OK with the idea of maybe not having kids.

Imen: The funny thing with some of the Irish men I meet here is that they have no real desire to marry yet they are certain they want to have kids. Now I’m not old-fashioned; you do not have to get married first but their reasons for being anti-marriage is because they are committmentphobes…do they think raising children is any less of a committment than marriage?

Rach: Perhaps it does. I only recently found out that abortion is illegal here…had no idea.

Traci: My female friends are divided on the subject of marriage…I think a lot of them, like me, would like to one day but we’re not planning our weddings or creating a hope chest of wedding items, lol. But I see where you’re coming from…

By: Traci

Traci — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 03:48:50 +0000

I guess I’ve broken all the taboos. My Irish partner and I met over the internet (so randomly), I already have kids and can’t have anymore (though we’ve discussed my desire to adopt or foster), and I’m older than him (even if this isn’t unusual in his family, it’s a bit unusual in the culture). This issue of cultural expectation as regards marriage and children I’ve actually heard from him. He doesn’t have any desire to father his own children, and says most Irish girls are in a mad rush to get married, etc.

By: Rach W.

Rach W. — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:39:27 +0000

I am one of those who ‘followed’ her Irish husband to his homeland.
I do not want kids, I have never wanted kids and my husband does not want kids. His parents though would love for us to have kids.

I say kudos to you. I agree it isn’t limited to Ireland, surely we exist everywhere.
I often wonder if Ireland’s stance on abortion has something to do with it.

By: Liz

Liz — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 11:54:19 +0000

Great post. You more or less describe my life and it’s trajectory to a T. Always assumed I would have kids but never thought about it deeply. Married at 33. Been married 10 years. After my friends (my non LA friends) started having kids I realized the reality is not that appealing. However, as an educator I absolutely love & adore children of all ages. I’ve got 2 dogs , a husband I love & a boatload of happiness. However! In LA no one ever looks at me like I’m weird for not having kids. Most of my friends my age are child free. I do think the dynamic you speak of exists outside of Ireland, but having lived in the UK myself I think it’s definitely amplified in Ireland, moreso than England for sure.

By: Imen McDonnell

Imen McDonnell — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:52:43 +0000

Clare, you are dead-on with this post. I hear this type of conversation all the time…here in the country sometimes it’s all anyone talks about..who is having kids and who is not…and WHY. I know there is talk about us and why we are taking so long to have another baby and the truth is, HELLO! one is really hard!! (esp for two Aquarians!) and also we’d love to adopt..which is still another nearly “taboo” thing -again esp in rural areas.
In the past I remember meeting Irish men (not necessarily here) and was always struck that they would even ask about having kids in casual conversation…in their 20s and early 30′s! Seemed unheard of with American men to me. Frankly, I blame it on the strong church upbringing.
Imen x

By: Babaduck

Babaduck — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:43:48 +0000

I feel your confusion. I can’t have kids – have known this for years and I’m pretty comfortable with it. I was the luckiest woman in Ireland to meet a man who actually didn’t want kids… but people are so weird about it – insisting that we should adopt – even though we don’t want to(now I’m hitting 39, I can say that I’m over the age threshold). My ex-boss’s wife kept tormenting me after we got married asking “how things are going”. I actually had to sit her down & use words of one syllable to spell it out… NO BABIES IN THIS HOUSE. We have nieces & nephews galore, and all but one of my friends have kids – who are all brilliant, but it doesn’t mean that I lie awake at night pining for a child. Far from it. In fact, I think that we as a couple have to work harder at our relationship & marriage because we’ve no distractions in the form of kids. There’s only ever going to be the two of us & that’s a sobering thought!

If it’s going to happen, it will happen, and it will be because you want it to. No other reason.

By: Clare

Clare — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:26:03 +0000

Susan: Isn’t it funny how uncomfortable it makes OTHER people?! Love your dog comment and know exactly what you mean. I don’t even have a pet…people probably wonder what my point of living is, lol!

Aideen: I guess in Los Angeles I never found it to be an issue. Then again, it’s totally common for people in LA to be single in their mid-late 30s and even 40s, probably because many are focused on career. Here it seems even the idea of being single at my age is odd. I think you are right about being married tho – once you’re married you are absolutely expected to have kids, no matter where you live. Glad you are not letting the pressure get to ya!

By: Aideen

Aideen — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 03:23:46 +0000

This thing about being shocked that you may not have kids is bigger than Ireland. I live and work in Chicago where I get asked at least 2 times a week when I am going to have kids. When I say I don’t know if I will, I get the same response “Oh you will eventually” or my own favorite “what are you waiting for, you are not getting any younger” – which I have since taken and used myself because I find it amusing. Society has an expectation that when you get married, you have kids and if you don’t, it is considered a little odd to most – not just the Irish -