Sun 18 Jul 2010
Expat Gone Mad
Posted by Clare under Drogheda Ireland, Main Course, Moving to Ireland, Recipes
[31] Comments
I’m not going to lie: Sometimes Ireland gets to me, and not in a good way. Lately I’ve been feeling quite cranky, to be rather polite, and it seems every little thing gets on my nerves. Whether it’s a silly thing like the lack of “plain” clothing I can find (what is up with this country’s obsession with bows and floral patterns?) or something more serious like the blatant sexism I witness on a weekly basis, there are times when I feel like Drogheda itself is squeezing every last bit of sanity right out of my soul. The constant hay fever, the zillions of greenfly in the air and lackadaisical approach to customer service drives me nuts. The other day I had to go to three grocery shops just to find the ingredients for a pretty basic meal. As I searched yet another store for fresh basil, I found myself muttering under my breath like a crazy old bag lady, “What is wrong with this place?!”
The weather doesn’t help either. While we’ve had a relatively mild summer so far, the last week brought monsoon-type rain showers that made everything more difficult. The other day I was walking to the store when another downpour suddenly occurred and I had to struggle to get inside the shop because customers were all standing in the doorway, waiting for the rain to subside. I wanted to physically push them aside but I value my freedom so I refrained. We had 5 days in a row of lashing rain with no letup in sight and even though I was warned about the Irish summers before I came, it’s nearly pushed me over the edge.
I find myself nitpicking at everything and literally throwing childish tantrums…clearly not my proudest moments. My poor friend Niall recently had to listen to me go on and on about all the things that bug me about Ireland (thrilling for him, considering he’s a proud Irishman) and another friend Olga has endured a good few tirades on the sad state of dating in Drogheda. Sinead, who I have known forever and has been nothing but kind to me since I moved here, has been witness to a few stress-related outbursts – unfortunately for her. Last night she ended up on the receiving end of an ill-tempered rant where I raised my voice and cut her off at least a half-dozen times. If there was a show called “Expats Gone Mad” I’d certainly be a candidate.
As anyone who’s moved abroad will tell you, sometimes the cultural differences, major change in climate and numerous modifications to life as you once knew it can build up, but there are better ways of coping than taking it out on those closest to you (apologies to everyone above). As for the bows and floral patterns, maybe I can start shopping online where there are more choices – an easy solution to an insignificant problem. The sexism? Well, that’s a bit harder to get used to but perhaps my focus should be on the fact that there is progress being made in this regard. And the weather, while I can’t do much about it one thing that helps is cooking my favorite summer meals from back home. I recently made a lovely summer salad and fresh corn and tomato tart for a dinner gathering, both of which I used to make a lot back in Los Angeles. It was raining buckets outside but for that evening we had a little taste of LA sunshine in the middle of an Irish summer storm. And God knows I need a little ray of sunshine right about now.
Fresh Corn and Tomato Tart
(Serves 4-6)
1 tablespoon anchovy paste
3 tablespoons of olive oil
4 cups of cherry tomatoes
2 cups of freshly cut corn kernels
1/3 cup fresh basil, chopped
¼ cup fresh chives or spring onion, chopped
2 puff pastry sheets, thawed
2/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Preheat the broiler. In a large bowl, combine the olive oil and anchovy paste then add the tomatoes, corn, basil and chives and toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper and put mixture on a baking sheet, and place sheet in broiler for 15 minutes, turning the mixture with a spatula halfway through. Remove from broiler and set aside.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Take the two puff pastry sheets and put them side by side, using your fingers to create a seam to connect the two. Fold down the sides to create a border along the edges and using a fork prick holes all over the base of the puff pastry. Move to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or tinfoil then cover the top of the pasty with more parchment paper. Fill the center of the tart shell with dried beans and blind bake in the oven for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven and throw away paper and beans.
Turn the oven up to 425 degrees. Sprinkle the Parmesan on the puff pastry and put back in the oven for an additional 15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Put the tomato/corn mixture in the tart shell and put back into the oven for another 20 minutes. Remove from oven and cool for 10 minutes before serving.
Oh this recipe looks delicious! It’s amazing how the seasons can affect our mood, and constant rain, while wonderful on the occasional day for reading a book or watching a great film, really doesn’t feel that magical day after day after day. Glad you made this fresh corn and tomato tart on the days you’ve recently experienced to perk you up!
The lack of a consistent fresh herb supply in the stores bugs me too! And there are still loads of times when I wish there was a Gap nearby so I could get something plain and simple, like you said. As for the Irish summers, or lack thereof … let’s just say I get the most homesick during the summertime here.
For all the superficial similarities between America and Ireland, it’s easy to forget that they are very different countries with very different cultures. The difference is not obvious and first, but it’s pervasive and can be deeply unnerving as you recount here. I just had an experience here in the UK where I spent 90 minutes going to four electronics shops and still not finding a very basic item — speakers with an L/R input instead of a 3mm one.
Your frank observations are spot-on, but I also found them to be unwelcome when shared with my Irish friends. What I’m trying to say is this: it’s nice to digitally commiserate with someone else who is struggling with some of the same things I am. I’m not sure the solution is as pat as you suggest in the final paragraph though. Sometimes you just need to acknowledge that there are some customs in which you’ll always prefer the American way of doing things. There’s certainly no need to be ashamed of that.
Re: food and ingredients, you’re comparing a city of 10 million people to a town of about 35 thousand, so you gotta expect to have a smaller range of produce. If you’re looking for “exotic” food in Drogheda then you should check out the Denis Healy organics stall on West Street on Fridays. It’s where we buy all our fruit and veg and their range is vast compared to your average Irish supermarket. All organic too.
For exotic dry goods try that health food shop on the corner of stockwell st. Can’t remember what it’s called but the proprietor’s name is Peter. Like all these places it’s haunted by cranks and vegans, but they’ve a good range of spices and things like nuts, dried beans, flour, etc.
Kristin: Yes, I find it strange that even parsley (which is like the weed of the herb world) is hard to find some days. I miss Banana Republic terribly!! 🙁
John: You are right; I was more apologizing to my friends for my tantrums than for feeling the way I do. 🙂
Cormac: Oh I do shop at that stand every Friday. It’s just that the odd time when I need something on a Wed, like the fresh basil, it can be very hard to find. I don’t expect to find anything exotic here…some days it’s difficult to find spinach. Seems the stores here are not consistent with their stock. Thanks for the rec on the health food store, I always forget that’s there!
I found the small range of foodstuffs very frustrating here at first too, by the way, and that’s moving from Dublin rather than LA.
Oh and whenever a woman complains about a shortage of men, I say get thee to see some underground bands in Dublin. Big shortage of women at lots of those shows, though it’s not exactly easy to talk someplace everyone’s wearing earplugs
Hehe I lived in Hull in in England in the early 90s, and none of the veg shops stocked garlic in the summer when most of the students were away
The rain does get you down – especially when trapped in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere, North Cork, with a toddler! That’s when it’s time for wellies, raincoats and big long (wet) walks. Everyone’s mood is much improved afterwards. Still no basil nearby, though…
@Cormac Speaking as someone who spent 3-4 nights a week at the aforementioned gigs in Dublin during my 20s, they’re not exactly a ripe man-finding spot. I saw some amazing bands, made a lot of drinking friends, along with some real ones, kissed more than a few commitment-phobes – and was just thinking of giving up on men round about the time I met my Kiwi at a friend’s house.
Sadly, it’s not just Drogheda that’s problematic with fresh produce. Couldn’t find spinach at one of the larger Dunneses in Dublin yesterday, and they had onions from New Zealand in stock, but none from Ireland. Gargh!
And I still complain about so many comparative inefficiencies here (public transport and healthcare, mostly), three years after moving back from NL. Hard not to, when you’ve seen things being done better elsewhere than they are here!
Oh Clare, just reading this now. So much of what you write is a mirror of how I felt when I first moved here 5 years ago and at times still do. I come from the Midwest, but spent 90% of my time in L.A. and NYC before coming here so I was particularly spoiled like you (who would’ve ever thought having Basil at your beckon call would make you a spoiled girl!?). My husband has been listening to my rants for all this time and still loves me which is truly unbelievable. But he sees how different things are in the USA when we are there and really can’t blame me.
A friend from England (a producer from London who married a farmer like me!) once told me that you need to literally grieve the loss of all those convenient, modern things….like seriously go through the grieving process ( i suppose, that is, if you will be making this your permanent home) in order to cope. The other good piece of advice from an American expat friend is to go home as often as you can…or at least travel as often as you can. Many Irish people will tell you the same.
I wouldn’t be able to survive if we didn’t spend a good chunk of times in my home country.
Can’t wait to see you on Thursday.
Imen xx
I truly enjoy reading your blog and it has been a tremendous help to me (and entertaining). I very nearly packed up and moved to Ireland last year without having been there yet. I figured since I like the rain more than sun and enjoy ‘the middle of nowhere’ far more than cities, that it would be ideal. I’ve since planned a two-week holiday before actually making the move. So unlike me but to hear an American’s perspective about living there, I’ve decided that for this one time, I will give myself a taste of the place before relocating. So, thank you for giving me more and more reasons to visit…and be cautious about moving. 🙂
Caroline: I was thinking the same thing (about meeting men at shows)! I was a music journalist for many years and have to say the selection of suitable men, lol.
Catherine: Yeah it’s SO hard not to compare the two places but I suppose that really is comparing apples to oranges. Still I think places here can make more of an effort to be consistent; one week they offer basil and for two weeks after that they don’t.
Imen: Oh I am totally spoiled as I grew up in LA, the land of plenty! You can get five kinds of basil at the farmer’s market in Pasadena, lol. Maybe I should conduct a little funeral for all the things I will not be able to get here (good Mexican food, for one!). See you Thursday!!
Melinda: Definitely a great idea to come visit first. I was here for 10 days last year and that’s when I knew that I could do it. There are so many wonderful things about Ireland, Irish people and the culture. I just happen to be going through a bad week! But I have no desire to move back at the moment!
Five kinds of basil – jaysus, we’d pass out with the fright if we had that kind of selection here. Actually I get your gripe – my friend/former neighbour was from SF & used to moan/gripe/give out yards about “shitty Irish stores, shitty Irish food and shitty people down the town”. She always made me laugh at her rants and now that she’s back in SF, she moans about how good the milk, meat & butter was here and how nobody can make risotto like me!!! Chin up petal xxx
Aoife: Sometimes you feel like you need a Masters in Herbology just to know what is what at the LA farmers markets, lol. But it’s a real gift to have those kind of choices. I will say that I truly love some of the produce here that I hadn’t seen in LA, like the thick, long radishes, fresh gooseberries (I thought they were grapes and tossed one into my mouth – SOUR), fresh duck eggs, etc. I’ll have to write about those when the storm passes :). BTW I think I may need to invite myself over for your risotto soon!
My LA husband found a list he made 25+ years ago, a few years after he first moved here, of things that annoyed him about Ireland. Some were just little niggly things about different attitudes. Some were bigger, like lack of clothes to fit or bad driving. (I’m guessing he wrote it during a wet, cold week too!) Sad to report of nearly 40 items on the list only about 2 had changed/improved since then, one being availability of more TV stations. He wouldn’t move back now though, so hang on in there!
Time to have a little indoor herb garden n’est ce pas? 🙂
We’ve all been there. 🙂 I probably shouldn’t say that this summer has been AMAZING compared to the last two I’ve suffered. I don’t think I ever went out last year without a jacket!!!
Totally relate to the ingredients thing – I grew up in a town about the size of Drogheda way out in the middle of Montana and never had the issues finding stuff I needed that I do here! Wait until Christmastime when you go looking for vanilla extract or maple syrup and find that when one store is out, so is everyone else, and it may take them weeks to notice and reorder. Luckily, boxes of mini mince pies almost make up for the annoyance. 🙂
CM: It’s hard not to fall in love with Ireland in spite of everything! 🙂 None of it bothers me to the point where I’d even consider moving. It just builds up some days!
Kerri: Yes!! I have a sage plant and a basil plant, though I eat so much basil it doesn’t grow fast enough for me.
Maryann: Oooh mini mince pies – I will have to keep a lookout during the holidays, thanks!!
I know what you mean about Ireland. I laughed when you mentioned you couldn’t get in the door as people where standing there. I have to admit I had to leave…. the place just drove me nuts. There is not that much to do there really. I fail to see what everyone talks about. I mean most Irish people want to leave the place doesn’t that say it all?
Bjorn: Part of writing about my experience living here is including the bad days, and this post happened to be about a pretty crappy week. But for the most part I really love Ireland and think there is a lot of wonderful people here and places to see and things to do. Sorry you didn’t enjoy your experience – I think you should give it another chance!
Hi there, great to read your blog again and I have to say the above reads more like a comedy sketch!
I have to laugh when I hear the complaints about the rain, Clare did your friends not also tell you that this is probably the best summer we’ve had hear in many years!!
Plain clothes? If you look back through the generations in Ireland all we had for centuries was plain coloured clothes so the population has gone a little crazy in the past 10-15 years on multi-coloured patterns and prints!
As for the Basil thing you just have to look a little further. Tesco stocks its own line of fresh herbs, as does Centra near the Lourdes Church, Dunnes in Scotch Hall and one or two other places as well including the stall on West Street on Friday’s. Oh and the farmers market at Sonairte are great, as far as I know there is also another ‘Artisan’ farmers market talking place soon – maybe this weekend?
Standing in the doorway of a shop to get shelter from the rain is commonplace here in Ireland, we don’t mind being stuck together like sardines and no one will mind another person squeezing in!
The Irish don’t date by the way! we go out for a drink or to the cinema and maybe when we’ve had about ten pints we’ll probably fall on top of each other..
We all have bad days and being Irish born and bred I even find myself wanting to freak out – did you ever notice the way we Irish people love to stand in the middle of a footpath to talk while people try to walk around us…..
I commiserate with you, all of those things annoy me too & Im Irish.I think our service is appalling especially considering how expensive everything is. We kind of have a ‘sure it’ll be alright’, a ‘dont give a f**k’ attitude. It has lots of bad points but can also be nice when you mess up & someone goes easy on you because they’re laid back, if that makes sense? for e.g. the way everyone is late all the time & its not a big deal-annoying when you’re punctual but a relief when your late too! I have often had the experience of going into a major supermarket & not being able to buy coriander!!! And as for clothes? Jesus the state of the flower-y horribleness in the shops!!! I live near Galway & whenever I have seen a group of girls out recently they have been wearing the most hideous garish outfits. I swear, some of us do have taste! We do have a crap selection, London is the nearest decent shopping destination. Failing that Dublin is OK & most people who live rurally travel to their nearest city to buy clothes every so often. I recommend Mexx, French Connection, Zara & Esprit for decent quality basics. The weather, unfortunately is shite. Theres nothing to be done. As for the sexism-Id love to know more of what your experience has been. Ireland is a fairly matriarchal society but the lads arent perfect! As for dating, yes its non existent, we are rubbish at it. Irish lads are too shy & dont know how to approach women. Hope you feel better about the place soon. Love the blog!
Totally off subject, but I just picked up the latest Intermezzo magazine and behold, you were listed as a contributor. I enjoyed your article about the Art Tea.
Gordon: Thanks for all the tips! 🙂 I do enjoy the markets and they offer a lot of options; it just seems the odd Wednesday when I need something I can never find it, lol.
Melinda: Thank you! That was my first visit to Ireland and it was then that I decided to make the big move here. If you ever get out to Dublin I highly recommend the Art Tea, it’s fabulous!
I’ll be in Galway in October which is a bit of a drive from there. 🙂 If you’ve been to the west counties and can recommend any great places, then I’d love to hear about them.
The west of Ireland is fabulous. I highly recommend Galway, for great pubs & nightlife, Sligo, to see beautiful Ben Bulben, beautiful rugged scenery & nice beaches,good surfing there too. Mayo, particularly Westport & Louisburgh-Westport is fantastic, beautiful views of Croagh Patrick, a great town with loads of fantastic restaurants, lots of live trad music & close to amazing beaches. Enjoy your trip!
Sarah: Your comments are hilarious! Thanks for all the tips on where to shop – will have to check them out. Yes, dating here is a bit desperate but I’m sure there are good ones out there, right? 🙂 As for the sexism, I’m referring to the somewhat old-fashioned roles that women/men play here (at least where I live). I’ll have to elaborate on another post sometime in the future.
Yes there definitely are good ones out there! Its a bit of a nightmare trying to find one though, the best advice is to keep going out, having a laugh & you’ll meet someone great when you least expect it.I think it happens more when one isn’t looking, because then they’re more attractive to guys, for some crazy reason. I think loads of guys are afraid of being ‘trapped’ or pinned down, classic commitment issues, but its perpetuated by the way their male peer group talk about girls,they have this idea that women are out on a mission to pin them into a relationship-when I started going out with my BF recently, his mates were like ‘oh yeah shes definitely interested in a relationship, watch out’-whereas in reality I was only interested in a relationship if I really liked the guy & it worked & having a relationship was fun-For guys, its ‘game over’ or something when that happens-I dunno if this is making any sense!I find that attitude offensive especially since from a longer term perspective, men actually do better out of marriage than women-from a physical and mental health perspective. Hypocrites! In relation to meeting Irish guys, they’re very shy & the ones who aren’t shy-they could be a bit of a player, which is shit-so watch out for those-although they could also just be OK with rejection, as in, able to take it & able to approach girls, but not necessarily assholes. The fact that we don’t have a dating system makes it hard to meet people-personally I find the fact that guys just go up and ask you out in the States kind of terrifying-what do you say when you dont want to!!! In my experience in Ireland, if a guy approaches you in a sober way to ask you for a drink or something, then he’s practically in love with you.Fear of rejection is a big problem. Also some guys have an ancient bullshit idea that if a girl asks them out, then shes easy-though some guys love to be asked out. I find its best to be friendly and have the craic with lads,and if they like you, they’ll have the confidence to put themselves out there. Also, as I’m sure you know, guys will have the craic & the slag (and a bit of a flirt) even if they have wives or girlfriends, which can be confusing if you’re single. When my friend from the UK moved here she couldn’t believe that guys who had girlfriends or who weren’t interested in her would talk to her-it made me afraid of what London is like!
In relation to guys that cheat-I read your post on some of those scumbags you had met-I have a theory that there’s a few different types of guys that cheat-one type have serious mental health issues, with chronically low self esteem but cover it up with an external display of bravado, but they have to score to get top-ups for their self esteem-even if they are in love with their GF-these guys cheat again & again & will probably never be able to be faithful. Other guys are bored or unhappy in the relationships and cheat when opportunities arrive-as a distraction-they don’t necessarily go outlooking for it.They are unable to address the problems in their relationship. A third type cheat because they are trying to spoil a relationship because they’re too cowardly to just break it up-they have to make it really crappy first. There may be more types, I just haven’t met them yet (thankfully!).
I’d be very interested on a post about gender roles, I’m very interested in how people from other countries view how we are here. Sorry for the long rant!
I love the honesty in your writing Clare. I’m quite conscious that my accent belies my Irishness and I find myself keeping any criticism for those who know me for fear of offending someone. When I first moved west I found myself quite angry with how locals would park in the middle of the street or just point the bonnet at the kerb leaving you sitting behind them until they finished in the post office. After a while I had to make the conscious decision to just accept it as they weren’t going to change and I don’t want to spend a lifetime gritting my teeth behind the wheel. I still find it most frustrating that I can’t cook something on a whim or that we sometimes have two shopping lists should one item be missing but I remind myself of all the reasons we moved here and they far outweight any frustrations. I have been back several times over the years to the place that I grew up and it has changed so much that I know I am lucky to be where I am – I just need to remind myself of it every now and then 🙂 I hope the storm passes soon x
TheGlutton: All the things you listed drive me crazy too, lol. But overall the experience here has been wonderful, and honestly there are probably as many irritating things about LA…I just seem to notice more of it here as it’s still new to me. Thanks for the well wishes – it gets better every day!
Hi Clare, very late comment on this post cos I just discovered your blog, but just on the flowery fashion at the moment… don’t despair, cos it’s actually not always quite as bad as this, there’s just a frightening amount of flouncy stuff in the shops this season. I’m also driven DEMENTED by all the bows and lace and florals in the shops at the moment (on more than one occasion I’ve turned on my heel and walked out of a shop muttering “How the f*** does anyone wear all these f***ing florals??”) I know plenty of other (Irish) girls who are similarly frustrated with this year’s fashions so you’re definitely not alone with this one.