An American in Ireland

Someone recently asked me how I have found the first year of marriage. When this question is posed to newlyweds, I think the answer varies wildly depending on who you ask; some will speak of an extended honeymoon that just seems to keep on going while others will express surprise at how it wasn’t what he/she expected it to be (this could be good or bad, depending on the cause(s) of the surprise. Of course there are a million other answers in between.

For me, the first year of marriage to Mountaineering Man has continued to solidify the bond that was initiated on our first date just over three years ago. I’ve always wanted a partner in life, someone who truly accepts me – wobbly bits and all – and who shares similar values but also inspires new perspective and change. Someone I feel secure with; a person who can stand his ground but also considers there’s a different way to look at something.

Our first year hasn’t been easy; as you read in my previous post, his mother is unwell and we’ve spent a number of weekends staying with his family who live two hours away. We’re always rushing to get basic chores done like cleaning the house (which we get to every few weeks these days!) and the worry of the situation has led to many sleepless nights – insomnia is rampant in our house lately! Some days we’re like two grumpy toddlers who desperately need a nap, but instead of throwing ourselves on the ground in a heap of tears we’ll snap at each other and slam a few doors to make a point (ahem, that would be more me than MM, I must admit).

But we always recover quickly, and I can say with all honesty that the experience has brought us even closer together. We’re weathering a pretty big storm right now, but we’re also enjoying the time we do have and making the most of it. In our first year of marriage we’ve learned how to make our own pasta, and love whipping up a batch of tagliatelle to eat with a nice Chianti and a few episodes of the Two Greedy Italians; we went to Paris for the first time and had an incredible four days pretending to be locals; and we made our now-annual trek to Mayo and revisited the place where we first got engaged.

Even more important are the things we’ve learned about each other in this last year. I’ve discovered that MM finds comfort in routine and acquires energy from solitary activities like reading or running. I tend to refuel with social situations, finding conversations with even complete strangers invigorating and enlivening. I think by sheer exposure, we’ve developed an appreciation for each other’s individual interests and peculiarities, but we value and respect our differences. That, as they say, is what makes the world go ‘round and the same applies to relationships.

And, as cliché as it may sound, we laugh a lot. Nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than MM’s goofy jokes and quirky one-liners (“The world is ending, Armageddon outta here!”).

There’s equal give and take, and rather than try to force the other to a particular agenda we keep an open mind, take considerations and choose wisely. And we always have our mutual interest, the one we share as a married couple, at heart. It’s been a wonderful first year, and I’m looking forward to many more to come.

Happy Anniversary, Mountaineering Man!